Sexless Marriage: How to Save Your Relationship Before Divorce
Can we just say it out loud? If you’re in a sexless marriage, chances are you’ve had at least one moment where you thought, “Would this be easier on my own?” Maybe you’ve fantasized about packing a bag, or even caught yourself googling what divorce would mean—only to immediately think, “GAWD, no, I do NOT want to date again…” (Seriously, who has the energy for swiping, small talk, and awkward first dates?)
But if you’re flirting with the D-word—even just in your mind—let’s talk about it out loud. Because hiding these thoughts only feeds the shame and isolation. You deserve honest support, not secrets.
This post is for every parent who’s teetering on the edge, stuck in the roommate zone, and wondering if there’s hope for passion and connection before it gets to the point of no return.
Watch/listen to the episode here or read the article below:
Mythbusting: Kids ≠ Dead Bedroom
Let’s clear this up: Having kids doesn’t mean your sex life is over. Sure, there are dry spells, but it’s possible to find your way back—even if it’s been weeks, months, or years.
The Biggest Mistakes That Keep Couples Stuck
1. Waiting for your partner’s libido to magically come back
Desire needs attention, action, and intention. Waiting keeps you both lonely and resentful—watching the gap grow wider.
2. Thinking fixing the mental load will fix everything
You can split chores and still feel disconnected. Intimacy takes more than just being less stressed—it takes active effort and intention from both partners.
3. “Good Guy/Girl” energy—abandoning your own needs to please
Trying harder, being endlessly patient, and ignoring your own needs doesn’t bring back passion. It breeds resentment and invisibility. Passion grows from honesty, healthy boundaries, and being seen as a whole, desiring human.
4. Expecting each other to have the answers
Most couples are grasping at straws, trying solutions they picked up from a meme or a friend, without ever truly learning about desire, bodies, or emotional connection. It’s not your fault—it’s a gap in education and support.
What Actually Works: Courage, Honesty, and Teamwork
If you want your marriage to feel alive, you have to put something real on the line.
Not with ultimatums, but with honesty and vulnerability:
Are we on the same team?
Do we both want more?
Are we willing to work for it together?
Start the hard conversations, name what you miss, and co-create a path forward. Sometimes, it means asking for help—therapy, coaching, or just a safe space to talk honestly.
Practical Steps for Rebuilding Intimacy
Start the honest conversation: “I miss us. I want more for both of us. Can we talk about it?”
Shift from blame to curiosity: Instead of “Why don’t you want me?” try “What would help us feel close again?”
Take small risks: Little moments of affection, sharing a fantasy, or setting a connection date—no pressure for sex, just time together.
Make it a team project: This isn’t just your job, or theirs. You’re both responsible for bringing your marriage back to life.
You are not broken, and your marriage is worth fighting for.
Want support?
Drop your story or questions in the comments. Let’s get back on the same team—because you both deserve more than just surviving.