The Truth About Scheduled Sex: How to Rekindle Intimacy in Marriage
Let’s be honest: the idea of scheduled sex makes most couples cringe. Doesn’t it kill the mood? Isn’t it just another chore? If you’ve ever rolled your eyes at the thought of putting sex on your calendar, you’re not alone. But what if I told you that scheduling intimacy could actually be the spark that brings your relationship back to life?
Watch/listen to this week's episode or read on below.
Why We Resist (and Why Scheduling is Actually Survival)
We all want sex to be spontaneous and full of fireworks. But when you’re juggling work, kids, and never-ending to-do lists, “waiting for the mood to strike” is a recipe for no sex at all.
Here’s the truth: if you can book a dental appointment, you can—and should—book time for connection with your partner. It’s survival, not surrender. And if you do it right, scheduled sex can be playful, relaxed, and even fun.
Ditch the Pressure: It’s About Connection, Not Performance
One big mistake? Building up the pressure for “big sex dates.” The goal isn’t perfect intercourse or wild passion every time. The real win is creating relaxed, present connection—sometimes that’s sex, sometimes it’s making out, sometimes it’s just holding each other and talking. All of it counts.
My 4-Part Method for Making Scheduled Sex Awesome
Here’s how I help parents turn scheduled sex from awkward obligation to something you actually look forward to:
1. Book a Date:
Treat intimacy like a non-negotiable appointment. Put it on the calendar and hold it sacred—just like you would for your dentist or your kid’s soccer game.
2. Build the Bridge to Connection:
You can’t go from zero to sexy in 30 seconds. Start with small gestures—flirty texts, compliments, gentle touches—throughout the day to build anticipation and emotional closeness.
3. Talk More Than You Think You Should:
Before, during, and after, check in with each other. Share what feels good, what you want, and what you’re worried about. Honest communication makes everything less awkward and more enjoyable.
4. Debrief Afterward:
Take a few minutes after your “connection date” to talk. What worked? What felt awkward? What might you want to try next time? Debriefing takes away the pressure and builds intimacy over time.
Client Story: Laura’s Breakthrough
Let me introduce you to Laura, one of my amazing clients. Laura always thought of herself as the “lower libido partner” and had a long history of pain and anxiety around sex. After working together and using this four-part method, Laura not only experienced pain-free sex for the first time in years—she actually initiated it. For her, scheduled connection became a safe, playful space to rediscover her own pleasure. If Laura can do it, so can you.
Ready to Try It?
If sex has started to feel like a chore or something you avoid, scheduled connection might be your bridge back to fun, play, and real intimacy. Remember, the goal isn’t “perfect” sex—it’s feeling seen, safe, and close again.
Want support?
Have you tried scheduling sex? What worked—or didn’t—for you? Drop your story in the comments or DM me. You are not broken. Connection is possible—even after kids.