Sex Coach vs. Couples Counselling: Which Is Right for You?
Hey, sexy humans! If you’re feeling lost, stuck, or just plain awkward when it comes to intimacy after kids, you’re not alone. Maybe you’ve tried fancy date nights, picked up more chores, or had every “late-night talk” in the book—and still, nothing is shifting. So, how do you actually move forward?
Let’s get real about sex coaching, couples counselling, and the truth about getting help that works.
Watch/listen to the episode here or read the article below:
What You’re Probably Feeling Right Now
You’ve done the date nights and picked up the slack.
You’ve asked for your fair share, explained yourself a dozen times, and hoped your partner would “get it.”
Flirting feels foreign, the air is thick with awkwardness, and you’re just not sure how to try anymore.
Maybe you’re even hoping if you ignore it long enough, it’ll fix itself.
If that’s you, you’re not broken—and you’re definitely not alone.
When & Why to Get Help
You don’t know what you don’t know.
You could keep waiting for your partner’s libido to come back—but that’s a surefire way to wait yourself right into a divorce. Or maybe you’re trying to “take the pressure off”—but only for five minutes—without anywhere to put your frustration, and you end up sabotaging your efforts before you’ve even really begun.
Or you just feel lost, thinking, “What do we even do?” and hoping that if you ignore it long enough, it’ll somehow get fixed.
You can’t see your own blind spots.
A coach or a great counsellor gives you real-time perspective, helps you pivot in the moment, and teaches you hands-on skills. You get out of just talking about your sex life and start doing things differently.
It’s not a discipline or motivation problem.
Behavior change is hard—especially around something as sensitive as sex. I know people who keep my website open in their browser for months before they finally reach out, because it’s scary to let someone in. But real magic happens when you do.
If you want the fastest path to results, don’t wait until you’re at a breaking point. Getting support is the shortcut to real change and relief.
What’s the Difference?
Sex coaches and educators are trained in the biology and psychology of sex, pleasure, desire, and trauma. We’re here for practical, hands-on, “let’s try this” work—skills, communication, and actually learning how to rock a clit, not just talk about it.
Couples counsellors are amazing for digging into the past, unpacking old wounds, and helping you see the patterns you’re stuck in as a couple.
Real talk: Both are powerful. Sometimes you need one, sometimes you need both. Together, they’re a dream team.
Check Your Motivation: It’s Not About Fixing Them (or You)
It’s easy to think:
“If only my partner would just go to therapy and fix their libido, everything would be fine.”
Or: “I’m so messed up for wanting sex all the time—maybe I just need to change and be less needy.”
Neither is true. Neither is helpful. And sending your partner off to therapy with the message that they’re broken? That’s just more pressure and more shame.
Instead:
Adopt an “us against the problem” mindset.
Both of you have stuff to work on.
Both of you need to shift your perspective.
Neither of you is broken. You just haven’t learned the right skills—yet.
What to Look for in a Sex Coach
Certified and trained: Ask about credentials and background.
Trauma-informed: They should get nervous system safety, boundaries, and triggers.
Ethics: Especially if it’s tantra or somatic work—know what’s involved and what’s NOT. Some coaches work hands-on, some with models, some strictly talk-based.
Transparency: Know exactly what you’re signing up for.
Vibe check: Trust your gut! You should feel safe and respected.
Which Is Right for You?
Want to do things differently, try new skills, or practice new ways of connecting? Sex coach FTW.
Need a safe space to unpack old wounds, get to the root of patterns, or heal together? Couples counseling is gold.
Not sure? You don’t have to choose. Many couples do both at different points and get the best of both worlds.
Whatever you decide, you deserve support that’s ethical, trauma-informed, and truly helps you move forward—not just circle the same old struggles.
Ready to see what sex coaching can do for you?
No shame, just support—because clarity and pleasure are possible, even after kids.