The Truth About Postpartum Sex: Navigating Intimacy When Your Body Feels Different (Whether It’s Months or Years Later)
I’m 4 years postpartum and not back to my pre-baby weight. I don’t think I ever will be. Some days this bugs me and I feel let the PMS brain gremlins tell me I am a whale, and other days I feel fab and strong and sexy.
After kids, your body changes—but so does your relationship with sex, pleasure, and confidence. If I had a dollar for every time a woman or a person who gave birth told me they just need to lose 10lbs to feel sexy again - I would be rich. Whether you’re freshly postpartum or still carrying the “baby weight” ten years later, you deserve intimacy and joy right now—not when you reach a certain size or milestone.
Watch/listen to the episode or read the article below:
Why Post-Baby Sex & Body Image Can Feel So Hard
Your body goes through massive changes after kids—hormones, healing, stretch marks, softness, and scars. Add exhaustion, new identity, and all that “bounce back” pressure, and it’s no wonder sex can feel awkward or impossible.
If you’re waiting to lose ten pounds before you feel sexy, ask yourself: If waiting was the answer, wouldn’t it have worked by now? Waiting is like putting your joy on layaway and hoping future you will finally cash in. How much life, intimacy, and play are you skipping in the meantime?
My Path Back: Body Neutrality
Real talk: Most days, “I am sexy” feels far away. What changed everything for me wasn’t body positivity, but body neutrality.
“I have a body—and it’s made for pleasure.” That’s it. No forced self-love. Just presence, curiosity, and letting your body be enough for now.
And when your partner says they think you’re sexy? Try believing them. You don’t have to see what they see to let yourself receive desire. Sometimes, accepting love is the bravest thing you can do.
Redefining Sexy & Intimacy—At Any Stage
Drop the “when I lose X pounds” fantasy. Sexy is a practice, not a destination.
Start with comfort. Touch, clothes, and situations that feel relaxed and present.
Build safety. Honest communication about needs and boundaries.
Expand your definition. Sexy isn’t just about intercourse.
Have sex to feel sexy. Sometimes the best way to feel confident is to say yes to pleasure, even if you don’t feel “ready.”
Practical Tips for Body-Neutral Intimacy
Try a gratitude ritual: thank your body for what it’s done.
Let your partner show you desire—say “thank you” instead of deflecting compliments.
Focus on sensation, not appearance.
Schedule pressure-free “connection dates.”
You are not broken. You have a body. And it’s made for pleasure—no more waiting required.
Ready for support?
Share your story in the comments or DM me—your experience matters.