Perimenopause & Libido: A guide for you and your partner
"Is My Partner’s Libido Broken?" (Spoiler: No. But Things Have Changed.)
Perimenopause comes in hot with hormonal chaos, body changes, and so many reasons to hit the brakes on intimacy.
If you're the higher libido partner watching your sex life stall out... or the one going through the shifts and feeling like a stranger in your own body... it's easy to feel stuck.
But here's the truth: You're not broken. Your partner's not broken. You're just navigating a new season with an old roadmap.
The Libido Reframe We All Need
Many of us fall into the trap of thinking that libido is just on 24/7 and while for some people that is true, for most (both men and women) it is not. Libido is usually responsive, and what it responds to and how sensitive it is to input is the science of your unique libido.
The Dual Control Model (aka Gas and Brakes for Sex)
Imagine your body has a gas pedal (things that turn you on) and a brake pedal (things that kill the vibe). Perimenopause often stacks more on the brake pedal:
Pain during sex
Body image shifts
Stress, exhaustion, resentment
Touch that feels like pressure
If you want more high desire vibes, we don't always have to push more on the gas, we need to let go of the brakes.
3 Things That Help (Like, Starting This Week):
Throw a better party
Your partner’s libido isn't RSVP-ing because the party doesn't feel safe, fun, or aligned with their new body. That's not their fault, but you can both learn what works now.Stop playing whack-a-mole with symptoms
Instead of obsessing over every issue, focus on co-creating a safe, sensual space. Affection that doesn't lead to sex. Touch without pressure. Being curious again.Learn your partner's gas + brakes
Talk about what turns them off and on. No pressure, just curiosity. You're not fixing them, you're learning how to invite them in.✨ Want real help?