Perimenopause is Wrecking Our Sex Life — What Now?
Perimenopause: The second puberty no one warned us about.
Just when you're deep in the chaos of parenting — toddlers, teens, postpartum, school drop-offs, mental load overload — your own body decides it's time for a hormonal revolution.
And let's be honest: it’s messing with your sex life.
Sound familiar?
Your partner seems distant. Intimacy is rare, awkward, or non-existent. And whether you're the one going through the changes or the one watching your partner struggle, it can feel like your relationship is stuck in "wait and see" mode — waiting for things to go back to normal.
But here's the truth: you don't have to wait. And "normal" isn't the goal.
Let’s talk about what's actually going on, and how to rebuild a sex life that works for this season of life.
Watch or listens to this week's podcast episode or read on below:
Why Perimenopause Throws Your Sex Life Off a Cliff
There's a lot happening all at once:
Wild hormonal fluctuations (progesterone, estrogen, testosterone)
A nervous system under constant stress (and lower tolerance for it)
Physical changes in vaginal tissue, lubrication, and pelvic floor function
Add in sleepless nights, work stress, and maybe a toddler licking the wall in the next room — and intimacy suddenly feels... impossible.
Many couples feel like they're driving blind.
A New Way to Look at It: "It's Just Stress on the System"
Here's the big reframe:
Your body, or your partner's, isn't broken. It's just overwhelmed.
When the system doesn't feel safe, pleasure becomes harder to access. That's not a failure. It's a signal.
Instead of chasing every symptom (which feels like playing whack-a-mole), try this instead:
3 Ways to Reclaim Connection During Perimenopause
1. Acceptance over "Bouncing Back"
This isn't about "fixing" your body. It's about learning what it needs now - and working with it, not against it.
That might mean:
Learning more about perimenopause as a couple
Listening to your body's new cues
Letting go of the "we used to..." script
2. Learn the New Landscape
Desire changes. What worked before might not work now. That's not the end, it's the beginning of a new adventure (yes, even sexually).
Get curious.
Use lube (seriously — always).
Take a workshop, read a book, explore pleasure differently.
Learn together how your bodies and desires work now.
This is a skill issue, not a personal flaw. Sex-ed did you dirty my friends and it's time to get back in the drivers seat.
3. Rebuild the Runway with Connection & Flirting
This might be the biggest one.
Most couples fall into one of these traps:
The higher libido partner stops initiating → resentment
The lower libido partner avoids affection → fear of pressure
Touch disappears unless it’s transactional → disconnection
Here's what I learned in my own marriage: When affection becomes a strategy instead of a genuine connection, it loses its magic. But with daily low-pressure affection, things shift. Fast.
It only takes 5 minutes a day to start rebuilding that connection runway.
Want Help Making That Happen?
That's exactly why I created the Roommates to Romance Challenge.
It's a 14-day challenge specifically for higher libido partners who want to:
✅ Create connection without pressure
✅ Build intimacy even when sex is off the table
✅ Stop waiting and start moving forward — together
For less than a latte, you’ll get the tools (and the mindset) to shift out of frustration and back into flirtation.
✨ Final Thoughts
Perimenopause isn't the end of your sex life. It's just the start of a new chapter, one that might actually be better once you stop waiting and start creating something new together.
So... what's one small thing you could try today to move toward connection?
Leave a comment and let me know, I'd love to hear from you.